Moving through the liturgy towards Lent and Easter as a candidate for this Easter Vigil is very poignant. Preparing for my first confession this coming weekend, sobering.
As a protestant I acknowledged that I had sin but I never sat down and made an inventory about the seriousness of them. Generalizing all sin into one simple thoughtless prayer without real reflection, rationalizing that all were “under the blood.” It seems foolish now that I could ignore the seriousness of the issues and continue in Christ without honest transparency, even if just with myself. Examining the conscious is painfully uncomfortable, terribly embarrassing, and extremely sobering. I haven’t even arrived into the confessional but at this point, actually saying them seems like it could be the easy part.
During the process of examination I have found that the temptation to follow the practice of Eve alive and well. It’s easier to pass the blame of sin onto the next person. The positive side to this reflection, as an adult, was that I was able for the first time to realize the progress I have made in my walk with the Lord. There are sins I’ve conquered and ways I’ve grown and become “less a sinner” than before. In the midst of humility God brings you joy. It feels good to come out from hiding among the trees in the garden, to remove the fig leaves from my soul, and meet the Lord with openness and honesty.